I Never Knew Lonely
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: All her life, she had been used to being lonely. That was just something that was a constant for her. But once she had met Elliot, that empty and painful void had been filled, replaced by an emotion she couldn’t, or maybe just didn’t want to identify.


I know it's kinda late, but this songfic is set during and after Olivia's assignment in Oregon. The song is I Never Knew Lonely, by Vince Gill, and I think it would describe her feelings perfectly. Enjoy, and please remember to review!

Disclaimer: 100 and something stories, and they're still not mine. Maybe if I write two hundred...

This songfic is for onetreefan and Sweet-4-Stabler, cause they both rock!

Olivia Benson sighed as she walked into the tiny apartment she had called home for the past two months. The place was silent and bare, and she kicked her shoes off and fell into the bed. Laying her head on the pillow, she turned to see the only picture in the entire place. It was a framed snapshot of her and Elliot, and the sight of it brought tears to her eyes again.

She pulled her thick quilt up to her chin, then rolled onto her opposite side, tucking her right hand under her chin as she closed her eyes.

"I miss you, El," she called to the empty room, and just as she suspected, no one answered. She missed him so much that she physically ached, but she had to do this. As much as she hated being away from him, not being able to see or touch him, she didn't have much of a choice. Star needed her to complete this assignment, and once she had, she could go home.

Dawn couldn't come soon enough.

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Another day had come to an end, bring her another day closer to the day she could finally return home, her real home. She locked the door and sat on the couch, flipping aimlessly through the channels before finally settling on some show about a crippled, snarky doctor that critics raved about. But she didn't really watch it.

Instead, when she saw the doctor's intense blue eyes, she closed her eyes and thought of Elliot's Caribbean blue eyes. The way they lit up when he laughed, or darkened when he was angry.

She hated this, hated being shoved into an assignment she didn't want, being relocated to a state she didn't want to be in, and being forced away from the only man she…

Her thought trailed off, and she laid her head on the arm of the couch, settling into the couch's soft cushions. Suddenly the quiet of the apartment was deafening, and tear after tear dripped down her cheeks.

_No other lover ever really cared _

_When I've reached out for you, you've always been there _

_Now I'm so far away, and baby, I'm scared _

_I never knew lonely till you_

_You are my rock and the strength I need _

_To keep me sane in this life that I lead _

_Now I'm not with you and my broken heart bleeds _

_I never knew lonely till you_

All her life, she had been used to being lonely. That was just something that was a constant for her. But once she had met Elliot, that empty and painful void had been filled, replaced by an emotion she couldn't, or maybe just didn't want to, put her finger on.

And now, separated from him for the first time in their eight years as partners and friends, the loneliness was back with a vengeance. And she didn't know how much longer she could tolerate the pain that came with the emotion she was once so accustomed to living with.

A knock at the door interrupted her contemplation, and she warily approached the door, her hand reaching for the gun that no longer rested on her hip. With a sigh, she looked through the peephole, then opened the door and asked in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

Dana Lewis stepped into the apartment, and Olivia shut the door behind her. "You're going home, Miss Benson," she stated plainly, and Olivia's mouth fell open, her hands falling to her sides. Home? New York? Noisy music and garbage trucks that woke her up at three in the morning every other day?

Other things that she missed about the city swirled around in her mind, but one took precedence over all of the others. Elliot. She would get to see Elliot again.

_I never knew lonely could be so blue _

_I never knew lonely could tear you in two _

_I never loved someone like I love you _

_I never knew lonely till you_

She wasted no time when Star told her that she could go home. She called the nearest airport, and was thrilled to hear that there was a redeye flight to New York leaving in an hour. She took it.

Throwing her few belongings in a backpack, she slung it over her shoulder and slammed the door shut behind her, thrilled to finally be going back home.

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Two hours later, despite the pouring rain and her screaming back, Olivia stood in front of Elliot's apartment building, wondering if he was even home. Suddenly she wondered if this was all a bad idea, and she turned to walk away. But she took a step, and she heard someone shout her name.

"Olivia!"

Her heart raced, and she slowly turned around, a large smile spreading over her face as a man ran towards her. She felt like she had been plowed into by an SUV when Elliot snatched her up in his arms and held her tightly against his chest. Her backpack fell from her grip as she wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes, breathing his essence in deeply.

"You're back," he breathed against her hair, and she nodded and slowly pulled her head back, so she could look into the eyes that had haunted her dreams for the past three months. They were lighter than she had ever seen them, and she could have sworn they shone with tears. But he blinked and smiled happily at her, and she returned the smile.

Suddenly the thunder seemed much closer, and the rain began to fall harder, soaking both of them to the bone. "Come on," he shouted over the thunder, grabbing her hand and tugging her into his apartment building.

Inside, he tossed her a towel and sat her forgotten backpack in the corner to dry. Then he walked into his bedroom and came back out with a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt in his hands. "Here," he said, handing them to her. "You can change in the bathroom."

She looked at him curiously, and he explained, "You're not going anywhere tonight, and you took your last change of clothes with you before you went on assignment. This is all I have."

"Thanks, El," she said quietly, and he nodded and disappeared into his bedroom. She walked into the bathroom and changed, happy to finally be back with her partner. When she walked out, he was sitting on the couch in a t-shirt and shorts, and there was a beer sitting on the coffee table for her. She walked over and sat down beside him, taking the beer and swallowing a drink of it gratefully.

She noticed that he was watching her, and she cleared her throat and said, "I'm really tired, El."

"Of course," he said quickly. "Take my bed, and I'll sleep out here."

"But El-"

"No arguing with me, Liv. Please," he said softly, and she reluctantly nodded, then set her beer down and stood up. To his surprise, she bent down and kissed his cheek, then disappeared into his bedroom.

Elliot watched her go, then closed his eyes and sank into the cushions of the couch.

In his bedroom, Olivia looked around for a moment, then climbed into his bed, sinking down into the cozy comforters and comforting scent that was purely Elliot. As soon as her head touched the pillow, she closed her eyes and fell asleep, hugging another pillow that smelled like Elliot to her body.

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When Olivia opened her eyes, she was vaguely aware of where she was. But what threw her for a loop was the sensation of being wrapped in someone's strong arms. Forcing her eyes open, she looked around the dark room, and she smiled when she felt hot breaths against her neck.

Elliot was pressed against her back, and his arms were wrapped securely around her waist, making her feel safe and wanted. She guessed that somewhere in the night, he had gotten up and climbed into bed with her, not that it bothered her. No, quite the opposite. Though she would never admit it, she loved being held and feeling like she could trust that person with her life. And with Elliot, she truly could.

In his arms, she finally felt whole again, ready to take on whatever curveball life threw at her. And she decided right then that no matter what, she would make it work, make them work.

_I can't make up for the times I've been gone _

_I'll prove I love you in the words of this song _

_And back in your arms, it's where I belong _

_I never lonely till you_

_I never knew lonely could be so blue _

_I never knew lonely could tear you in two _

_I never loved someone like I love you_

_I never knew lonely till you_

_I never knew lonely could be so blue _

_I never knew lonely could tear you in two _

_I never loved someone like I love you _

_I never knew lonely till you_

The End

A/N: This one was a little more challenging to write, but I think it was definitely worth it. Review and let me know what ya'll think, bunnies!


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